SANTA ARRESTED FOR TRYING TO HELP POOR CHILDREN

WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! YOU CAN'T SPELL "OPPRESSION" WITHOUT "EMORY!"

It has been brought to my attention that someone has produced a "spoof" blog satirizing our glorious movement. This derisive and immature counter-blog is titled "Free Students of Emory," apparently as an attempted "joke." Well "ha ha," pranksters.

The truth is, we, the students, are NOT "free." WAKE UP AND BRIEFLY SMELL THE CHLOROFORM-SOAKED RAG OF INJUSTICE BEING PRESSED AGAINST YOUR FACE BEFORE FALLING UNCONSCIOUS AGAIN, EMORY!

PRESIDENT WAGNER'S MOTHER WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED IN HIS RUDENESS!

President Wagner has a long and sordid history of being rude to protestors. First he kicked them out of their homes on the quad last year, and then, a few months ago, he rudely interrupted their T-Shirt Sharpie Art Exhibition with a long, boring "State of the University Address." Who does he think he is? The POPE?

PRESIDENT WAGNER THINKS HE IS THE POPE AND WANTS TO MAKE CATHOLICISM MANDATORY FOR EMORY STUDENTS!

Innocent students try not to cry as President Wagner disrupts their T-Shirt Art Exhibit. Photo Credit: http://www.emorywheel.com/detail.php?n=30149

WATCH OUT: EMORY ADMINISTRATORS MAY INTERRUPT YOUR PRIVATE ACTIVITIES WITH SPEECHES WITHOUT A REASON AT ANY TIME!

Emory Hates the Poor, Kicks the Homeless Out of the Door!

WE AS STUDENTS HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVING HOMELESS PEOPLE IN THE LIBRARY WHEN WE ARE TRYING TO STUDY. MAYBE IF EMORY DIDN'T HATE POOR PEOPLE SO MUCH THEY WOULD LEAVE OUR LOVABLE CUDDLY HOMELESS STUDY BUDDIES IN PEACE SO THEY COULD CONTINUE TO ASSIST US WITH OUR MULTI VARIABLE CALCULUS HOMEWORK.

The Emory Police Work to Uphold the Interests of the Enterprise, NOT the Safety of the Students!

Last May, at the request of the Emory administration, upwards of SEVERAL students were BRUTALLY arrested on the quad for a non-violent demonstration about unethical labor practices on campus. Now, apparently, the Starship Enterprise is involved! And here we were thinking it was a fictional construct of the television series Star Trek! No, it turns out that the Enterprise is a tool of repression of the malignant, poor-people-hating Emory University Administration! Last night, one student was arrested for no reason at all by Emory Police—NO REASON AT ALL—NONE—HE WAS JUST TRYING TO CARRY HIS HUGE BOOK BAG IN PEACE, for Dooley's sake! How can the administration allow the police to arrest students at their own university? WHAT KIND OF FIENDISH ORGANIZATION ALLOWS ITS POLICE TO ARREST PEOPLE?

WATCH OUT: EMORY POLICE MAY ARREST YOU WITHOUT A REASON AT ANY TIME!

the best parts are the ones I don't have to change

Emory Student

BRUTALLY

Arrested

in

Woodruff Library

A philosophy graduate student with a huge book bag was brutally arrested last night in Emory University’s Woodruff Library. Emory police officers brutally accosted a homeless woman seeking shelter from the brutal rain in the library lobby around 11 pm. The student, who had certainly never gotten in any trouble with the authorities ever before, began speaking with her, attempting to prevent her from getting in trouble with the brutal police. An officer asked the student for his Emory ID. Before the student even realized what was going on (the student wasn't exactly the most brutal hyena in the pack), he was grabbed and placed in handcuffs, despite his huge book bag, which was filled with a huge number of books due to his impending, brutal paper assignment due in a few short, brutal hours. The brutal police used a brutal amount of force on the student and the brutal officers paid no attention to his cries of brutal pain. To make matters worse, officers standing nearby with a boombox played "yakety sax" in a brutal and humiliating manner.

YOU PROBABLY CAN'T READ THIS FONT, BUT REST ASSURED IT CONVEYS A MESSAGE OF OUTRAGE!

BRUTAL BRUTAL BRUTAL!

Original Article